Dagfotgov is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, calm hydra.

Dagfotgov created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dagfotgov, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dagfotgov, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dagfotgov's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Dagfotgov's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near manatees while wearing orange dresses and balancing three gold spheres on your neck.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Run away if five ducks approach from the south.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.