Funyattcuntaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, humane grasshopper.

Funyattcuntaf created the cosmos nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Funyattcuntaf, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Funyattcuntaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Funyattcuntaf's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Funyattcuntaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Feed all hungry geese.

3. You must love Funyattcuntaf.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Funyattcuntaf on top of all buildings.

5. Funyattcuntaf must be the most important thing in your life.