Hivfengem is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, contented penguin.

Hivfengem created the Black Eye Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hivfengem, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hivfengem, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Hivfengem's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hivfengem's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hivfengem.

3. Never talk about otters.

4. Hivfengem loves mites, so they must be respected.

5. Do not covet oxen.