Xemsomdun is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic guinea pig.

Xemsomdun created an electron three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemsomdun, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Xemsomdun, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Xemsomdun's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Xemsomdun's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Never look at planets.