Hotvinnellarf is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, competent mink.

Hotvinnellarf created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotvinnellarf, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hotvinnellarf, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hotvinnellarf's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Hotvinnellarf's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four mice approach from the north.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Run away from orange eagles, for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near snails while wearing fawn jumpers.