Fumkophab is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, omniscient crocodile.

Fumkophab created the Large Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumkophab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fumkophab, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fumkophab's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fumkophab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Run away from magenta moths, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about chlorophyll.

5. Never talk about comets.