Yarlvedkikvonbandot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, effective horse.

Yarlvedkikvonbandot created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlvedkikvonbandot, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yarlvedkikvonbandot, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yarlvedkikvonbandot's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Yarlvedkikvonbandot's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never eat cucumbers.

5. Never think about optics.