Teentomquart is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking jackal.

Teentomquart created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Teentomquart, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Teentomquart, she will refuse to believe in you.

Teentomquart's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Teentomquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.