Quamjabjip is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unthoughtful bear.

Quamjabjip created the universe five million years ago.

If you believe in Quamjabjip, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quamjabjip, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quamjabjip's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quamjabjip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. You must pray to Quamjabjip four times a day.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Quamjabjip in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

5. Never hurt voles.