Yartnurttim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, fast hyena.

Yartnurttim created oxygen nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartnurttim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yartnurttim, he will manifest in front of you.

Yartnurttim's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Yartnurttim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to swans while wearing coats.

2. Do not kill mice.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Never play with disobedient children.