Futstigxinfon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, idiotic tapir.

Futstigxinfon created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Futstigxinfon, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Futstigxinfon, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Futstigxinfon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Futstigxinfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must love Futstigxinfon.

4. Always help seals.

5. Feed all hungry whales.