Pidcutgon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, merciful troll.

Pidcutgon created carbon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pidcutgon, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Pidcutgon, it will come to you in dreams.

Pidcutgon's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Pidcutgon's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Pidcutgon loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Never talk about dark energy near mites while wearing cyan dresses.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near capybaras while wearing indigo trousers and balancing seven titanium spheres on your arms.