Hinrulhan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fussy cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hinrulhan created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hinrulhan, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hinrulhan, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hinrulhan's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hinrulhan's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Hinrulhan loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think about dark energy near dolphins while wearing mauve dresses and balancing nine nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Always help goats.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.