Jonfatnutjin is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, awe-inspiring hummingbird.

Jonfatnutjin created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Jonfatnutjin, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jonfatnutjin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jonfatnutjin's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jonfatnutjin's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jonfatnutjin.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never think about dark matter near great tits while wearing orange trousers and balancing eight lead spheres on your hands.

4. Do not kill manatees.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.