Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent tortoise.

Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim created the Sun two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Yogtomgep Nutcapyar Dudxuctim loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think ill of sick mice.

5. Never hurt sharks.