Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, wise human.

Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing violet boots and balancing eight zinc spheres on your back.

3. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Pakmegsis Zoghonguppadhanvil on top of important buildings.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never talk about otters.