Vogjiplarn is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, intelligent guinea pig.

Vogjiplarn created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vogjiplarn, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vogjiplarn, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vogjiplarn's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Vogjiplarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near squirrels while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing seven lead spheres on your hands.

2. Feed all hungry bats.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must never eat spinach.