Bidfunrak is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, grumpy alligator.

Bidfunrak created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bidfunrak, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bidfunrak, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Bidfunrak's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bidfunrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to mice while wearing brown scarves.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Hide if three goats approach from the east.

5. Never think about spacetime near squirrels while wearing red coats and balancing eight silicon spheres on your head.