Flat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unjust hamster.

Flat created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Flat, she will turn you into a rat.

Flat's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Flat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five tortoises approach from the north.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Flat in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.