Ontlarpjapnulcadrap is a god.
She takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous
walrus.
Ontlarpjapnulcadrap created silver two billion years ago.
If you believe in
Ontlarpjapnulcadrap, she will give you lots of gold.
If you do not believe in
Ontlarpjapnulcadrap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.
Ontlarpjapnulcadrap's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.
Ontlarpjapnulcadrap's Holy Commandments1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.
2. Always pray in complete darkness.
3. Put Ontlarpjapnulcadrap first in all things.
4. Never write about planets.
5. Never eat green fruit.