Haktenvollop is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unsympathetic gerbil.

Haktenvollop created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Haktenvollop, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Haktenvollop, he will be very unhappy.

Haktenvollop's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Haktenvollop's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured sharks.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Do not dye your hair blue.

5. Do not eat bananas.