Nuttnarlzag Doggon is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, witty otter.

Nuttnarlzag Doggon created vertebrates five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttnarlzag Doggon, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nuttnarlzag Doggon, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Nuttnarlzag Doggon's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Nuttnarlzag Doggon's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tapirs.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nuttnarlzag Doggon.

3. Swans are not to be trusted.

4. Retreat if six tortoises approach from the south.

5. Never wear white shorts.