Yarcatzim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, idiotic tortoise.

Yarcatzim created a quark two years ago.

If you believe in Yarcatzim, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yarcatzim, he will remove you from existence.

Yarcatzim's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Yarcatzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never chant in the presence of mice.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.