Fitzakben is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, blissful crab.

Fitzakben created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitzakben, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fitzakben, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fitzakben's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Fitzakben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Fitzakben in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Fitzakben must be the most important thing in your life.