Armtarpjip is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, awe-inspiring dingo.

Armtarpjip created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Armtarpjip, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Armtarpjip, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Armtarpjip's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Armtarpjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always obey Armtarpjip's priests.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Do not shave your feet.