Fet Dobjinvan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, bad-tempered walrus.

Fet Dobjinvan created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fet Dobjinvan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fet Dobjinvan, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fet Dobjinvan's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Fet Dobjinvan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. You must love Fet Dobjinvan.

4. Always help great tits.

5. Pray towards the north.