Lipstik is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, thoughtless tortoise.

Lipstik created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipstik, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lipstik, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lipstik's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Lipstik's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry bats.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. You must pray to Lipstik six times a day.

4. Put Lipstik first in all things.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.