Kenvabgom is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, generous ferret.

Kenvabgom created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Kenvabgom, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kenvabgom, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Kenvabgom's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kenvabgom's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

4. Run away from magenta mice, for they are unholy.

5. You must never eat spinach.