Apptonfeb is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, dishonest horse.

Apptonfeb created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Apptonfeb, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Apptonfeb, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Apptonfeb's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Apptonfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Erect seven iron sculptures of Apptonfeb on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.