Quaftonktitstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, almighty walrus.

Quaftonktitstaf created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftonktitstaf, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Quaftonktitstaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Quaftonktitstaf's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Quaftonktitstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never mention whales.

3. Run away from pink snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Run away if five aardvarks approach from the north.