Dodquaftan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciful dryad.

Dodquaftan created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dodquaftan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dodquaftan, he will laugh at you.

Dodquaftan's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Dodquaftan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured nematodes.

2. Never feed aubergines to voles while wearing yellow corsets.

3. Never feed lots of grapes to horses while wearing red tights.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Respect your elders.