Bimdamaf is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, irritating whale.

Bimdamaf created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimdamaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bimdamaf, he will turn you into a rat.

Bimdamaf's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Bimdamaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. You must love Bimdamaf.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near foxes while wearing pink corsets and balancing eight zinc spheres on your face.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not speak about lentils.