Ranmadkem is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, bad-tempered fairy.

Ranmadkem created an electron five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ranmadkem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ranmadkem, he will not invite you to parties.

Ranmadkem's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Ranmadkem's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Retreat if five seals approach from the east.

5. Never eat bark.