Ponwitcen is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, conceited jackal.

Ponwitcen created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponwitcen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ponwitcen, he will curse you with boils.

Ponwitcen's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Ponwitcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into turquoise rooms.

2. Run away if seven whales approach from the east.

3. Never feed lots of bananas to goats while wearing yellow dresses.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about fire.