Nultarppom is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, fussy squid.

Nultarppom created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nultarppom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nultarppom, she will turn you into a puffin.

Nultarppom's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Nultarppom's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five foxes approach from the north.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never paint your face orange.