Femnurtjan Yartsandwik is a god.
It takes the form of a huge, blissful
swallow.
Femnurtjan Yartsandwik created energy eight quadrillion years ago.
If you believe in
Femnurtjan Yartsandwik, it will give you a free moon.
If you do not believe in
Femnurtjan Yartsandwik, it will turn you into a worm.
Femnurtjan Yartsandwik's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.
Femnurtjan Yartsandwik's Holy Commandments1. Never feed pineapples to capybaras while wearing hats.
2. Femnurtjan Yartsandwik must be the most important thing in your life.
3. Never write about cell theory.
4. Do not hurt tapirs.
5. Never talk about fire.