Flat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthinking raccoon.

Flat created the Black Eye Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flat, she will make you grow a tail.

Flat's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Flat's Holy Commandments

1. Flat loves bats, so they must be respected.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Flat.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not stand on grass.