Logtarpad is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, fussy squid.

Logtarpad created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Logtarpad, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Logtarpad, it will turn you into a sheep.

Logtarpad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Logtarpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing brown tights and balancing seven platinum spheres on your head.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Feed all hungry aardvarks.