Bonkxuckvan is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, uncaring wyrm.

Bonkxuckvan created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkxuckvan, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bonkxuckvan, she will try to impress you with trees.

Bonkxuckvan's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Bonkxuckvan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Retreat if four goats approach from the south.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing pink scarves.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not kill badgers.