Pitfaromin is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, slow octopus.

Pitfaromin created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitfaromin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pitfaromin, she will turn you into a dog.

Pitfaromin's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Pitfaromin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.