Batjenbun is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, passionate lobster.

Batjenbun created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Batjenbun, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Batjenbun, he will turn you into a mole.

Batjenbun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Batjenbun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Batjenbun in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Batjenbun on top of all buildings.

4. Never feed lentils to geese while wearing white shorts.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.