Tiftunmig is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, stupid crab.

Tiftunmig created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Tiftunmig, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tiftunmig, it will remove you from existence.

Tiftunmig's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Tiftunmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of apples to nematodes while wearing magenta scarves.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Never sing near aardvarks.

4. You must pray to Tiftunmig four times a day.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.