Tarplakquatmis is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, effective crocodile.

Tarplakquatmis created Africa three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarplakquatmis, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarplakquatmis, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Tarplakquatmis' most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Tarplakquatmis' Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Tarplakquatmis in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Put Tarplakquatmis first in all things.