Vonbimstaftit is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, wise deer.

Vonbimstaftit created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonbimstaftit, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vonbimstaftit, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vonbimstaftit's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Vonbimstaftit's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Hide if nine sheep approach from the east.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.