Nellzakqueeg Babladzod is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, calm lobster.

Nellzakqueeg Babladzod created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellzakqueeg Babladzod, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nellzakqueeg Babladzod, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nellzakqueeg Babladzod's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Nellzakqueeg Babladzod's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Feed all hungry rats.