Canbigxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, vain hyena.

Canbigxuck created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Canbigxuck, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Canbigxuck, he will turn you into a puffin.

Canbigxuck's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Canbigxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

2. You must pray to Canbigxuck seven times a day.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Worship no other gods but Canbigxuck.