Gebwipwaptig is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witty jackal.

Gebwipwaptig created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gebwipwaptig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gebwipwaptig, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gebwipwaptig's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Gebwipwaptig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gebwipwaptig.

3. Do not dye your hair pink.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.