Quafnegfud is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, narcissistic aardvark.

Quafnegfud created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafnegfud, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Quafnegfud, she will turn you into a sheep.

Quafnegfud's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Quafnegfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to mice while wearing magenta kilts.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Run away if five swans approach from the west.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.