Dinjarnzan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome turtle.

Dinjarnzan created the planet Earth three million years ago.

If you believe in Dinjarnzan, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dinjarnzan, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dinjarnzan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dinjarnzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Dinjarnzan must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dinjarnzan.

5. Pray towards the east.