Bafpakpon Kopjatget is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, proud dolphin.

Bafpakpon Kopjatget created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Bafpakpon Kopjatget, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bafpakpon Kopjatget, she will curse you with boils.

Bafpakpon Kopjatget's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bafpakpon Kopjatget's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the east.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

3. Always look after injured capybaras.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near great tits while wearing magenta corsets.

5. Never eat turnips.